James Clay Fuller

Things We're Not Supposed to Say

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The universal magic potion and fix-all spell

Genius often is manifested in deceptively simple ideas.

Take the genius of the neocons.


Oops. Sorry. Society will forever keep the memory of Henny Youngman.

But seriously, folks. The neocon princes who shaped the unformed (not to say mushy) brain of George W. Bush came up with two simple ideas that, to their admirers and followers, offer the solution to all of the world's problems.

1. Bomb 'em.

2 Cut taxes.

Even those who regard Dick Cheney as a great man, even those believe George completed his Air National Guard time honorably, that Tom DeLay is a man of great integrity and that James Dobson is a true Christian can grasp and hold those two ideas.

Think about it:

Iran opposes us in the Middle East. What should we do?

Bomb 'em.

Cesar Chavez is spreading his populist, nationalist credo throughout Latin America. How to deal with Venezuela?

Bomb 'em.

Because of Israel's stupidity and our absurdities, Hezbollah has gained considerable ground in Lebanon. What to do?

Bomb 'em, of course.

The refusal of the Republican administration and right-wing controlled Congress to enforce even the mildest regulations restraining corporate activity has led to economic disaster. What will save us?

Cut taxes.

Even middle class boobs who continued to vote for Bush and his Congressional tail waggers while being stripped bare have begun to realize they've been had. What to do?

Cut taxes.

We're losing Afghanistan because of George's focus on Iraq. How to recover?

Bomb 'em. And cut taxes.

Despite putting up a miserable set of presidential candidates, the Democrats are almost certain to win the presidential vote this year (though there's no guarantee the winner actually will get into the White House). How can the Republicans beat the odds?

Cut taxes. (Would like to bomb 'em, but we probably would wipe out a bunch of Republican voters, too.)

What can be done to stem the collapse of the stock market?

Cut taxes, of course. And maybe bomb somebody.

What to do about the resurgence of HIV, the disappearance of edible fish from the world's seas, the gigantic federal deficit and tooth decay?

Cut taxes.

See. It's so simple. There are only two, teeny little extra things to remember: Ninety percent of all tax cuts must go to the wealthiest one percent of the country's residents; generally speaking, it is preferable that the people you bomb have dark skin.

Now, if you're willing to tell outrageous lies about anyone who opposes you on any issue, you are qualified for a job at the Bush/Cheney White House or the Heritage Foundation.